


HSWC 2014 - Bonus round fills -

by SerahSerah



Series: HSCW 2014 [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, lots of swearing, swearing though, tags will be added to the chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-08 09:48:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 15,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1936320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerahSerah/pseuds/SerahSerah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus round fills in the HSWC on behalf of Team Gamzee♣Rose♣Terezi<br/>Sorted by round, warnings will be in the notes where appropriate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. John&Dad

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember when John realized it was a good thing Dad made him keep taking piano lessons even though he hated them for a while?  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3719299#cmt3719299)

 

 "Look what I alchemized for you!"  
  
With a dramatic flourish Rose threw open the door to Dad's old study. Cautiously looking out for possible pranks, John stuck his head through the door frame. At first he thought the room looked the same as ever, if tidier, but then it struck him. His old piano was back in the corner!  
  
"I suppose I should also credit ARquiussprite for hoisting it in here. I promise it was only marginally dented in the process. Do you like it?"  
  
Swallowing hard against the tightening of his throat, John stepped up to his old instrument and gently ran his hand over the case. It was a darker shade than it had been and it did look a little scuffed at the corners, but other than that it was exactly as his had been.  
Gently he lifted the keyboard cover, finding that the hinges no longer creaked, and then he slowly lowered his left hand, following his muscle memory into a D major cord. It rang out loud and clear, reverberating powerfully in the small room, filling it with sudden sound and memory.  
  
He remembered being six when the piano arrived, together with lessons Dad had arranged for him. He remembered sitting long hours on the cranked up bench, increasingly frustrated with how the sounds would not flow from his fingers. How he once slammed down the cover in anger, only to have the piano reverberate in tune, as if mocking him. He remembered protesting at great length, and Dad baking him chocolate chip cookies as a reward for practicing. He rose to the challenge after that, and played and played. His fingers became quicker and the melodies started making sense in his mind. He started to see what the notes on the paper wanted to sound like and his hands translated those notes to the keys, running along smoothly without thinking. When he was ten he had found that he could also make his own, and after some practice his hands would make the music he could hear in his mind. He remembered playing the very first piece he had written as Dad sat in his office chair, smoking his pipe and listening with a smile and closed eyes. That smell and that sound would always be linked in his mind now.  
  
When he became aware of what he was doing, he was already halfway through the piece.  
Slowly he stopped and the sound and the smell dissipated from the room, leaving it cold and quiet.  
  
He swallowed again.  
"I love it."


	2. Spades Slick<3Ms.Paint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggested accompaniment: [LINK](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=006844)

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember when the Felt crashed Spades and Ms. Paint's anniversary date, so the rest of the Crew decided to handle it for them?  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3707267#cmt3707267)

   
The location is perfect.  
Sure, you had thought once that it was just a dirty, dilapidated warehouse. You may or may not have raged about that fact with some destructive energy. But that is why you have a crew, after all. There is nothing like the judicious application of rolls and rolls of black velvet cloth to craft a certain air in a place normally not fit for rats. Just drape the stuff over everything, and bam! Instant classy venue. Sure, it is dark, but that is what candles are for! Candles are to romance as black velvet is to classiness. Facilitators, that is what they are.  
The same can be said for the diverse appliances the crew is currently dragging in and setting up. A table and side table, two chairs, previously mentioned candles, wine and food of course, and one ancient gramophone. Clubs Deuce lays on the record and everyone shuffles out the door, with many a nod and encouraging smile towards you.  
  
 _I hate a moral coward, one who lacks a manly spark..._  
  
She enters in through one of the side doors, looking absolutely stunning in her black and green three-in-the-morning dress and the candlelight flickers enticingly on her perfect white carapace. She smiles uncertainly and you take her hand to kiss it, when you both flinch at the sound of squealing tires and roaring engines outside. You smile in what you are absolutely certain is a romantic manner. She still looks a trifle jittery, but that is nothing that the first bottle of wine won't fix.  
  
 _I just detest a man afraid to go home in the dark..._  
  
You lead her over to the table and seat her, even remembering to adjust her seat. The crew had unanimously agreed that this was very important. You light another few candles over the sound of something big crashing into something breakable and pour her wine. Outside there appears to be some shouting and running, but you just crank up the gramophone and smile with more teeth. Smiling is romantic, they told you.  
  
 _I always spend my evening where there's women, wine and song_  
  
You sit down with her and raise your glass in toast. You were right, wine does seem to help. Her hands are not shaking anymore and she has even stopped giving side glances to the covered up window. You get up again to serve the entrée, tomato Mille-feuilles. You are supposed to know how to pronounce that in order to tell her, but after a few... incidents... the crew decided that it wasn't that important. Automatic gunfire erupts outside and there are some very minor punctures in the velvet, but you decide to let it slide. Letting things slide is another thing the crew had tried to impress on you at some length.  
  
 _But like a man I always bring my little wife along..._  
  
After you are done with the tomato thingies you get up to get the main course, Coq à l'Orange, by special recommendation of Diamonds Droog. You didn't know he knew so much about food, but then again, you did see him frantically reading on his phone not five minutes prior to that suggestion. You think she is enjoying herself. She is certainly paying enough attention to the food to miss the gas grenade that comes flying through one of the holes in the wall. Deftly and surreptitiously you tear down one on the wall hangings and drape it elegantly over the thing. There. No smoke whatsoever. Hardly any. Just as you are about to suggest moving on to dessert to cover the hissing sound, you notice something else. Though the color of the romantic lighting has not changed, it is now considerably brighter. It is also getting warmer. That may in part be because of the stunning qualities of her eyes that are now fixed on you, but mostly you still attribute it to the flames that are coming out between the wall panelling. A support beam creaks a little in warning and then comes crashing down, narrowly missing the gramophone. You rise and take her hand in one of yours, grab the Liquorice Scotty Dog dessert with the other and lead her from the burning building.  
  
 _Bring your wife in trouble, it will never trouble you. Make her a member of the midnight crew..._  
  
She smiles at you.


	3. John&Karkat

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember that time when John and Karkat took a road trip and Karkat broke the GPS?  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3560835#cmt3560835)

   
"Now it's official. This is actually the middle of nowhere. This is so much nowhere, I'm completely sure that this road can only lead nowhere. This is it for us. Trapped in an impermeable void forever. There is no leaving the nothing. It's going to consume us!"  
"Do stop griping, it's not that bad. Just use the GPS on my phone, it'll tell you where we are!"  
"So you actually admit that you don't know? Meaning we are lost!?"  
"I wouldn't say that... Especially not if you just check the GPS. Phone's in the glove box."  
"Alright, alright, I'll check the phone. Don't be surprised if it just shows an error for our location."  
"..."  
"John..."  
"What?"  
"It shows an error for our location."  
"Haha, that was so predictable, come on!"  
"I am not shitting you here! It literally say "ERROR" in big, black letters. We're going to grow old and die in this shitty desert..."  
"We can't stop here, this is bat country!"  
"Will you just can the movie quotes?"  
"Will you just can the theatrics then? Here, let me take a look..."  
"..."  
"Oh."  
"See? I told you! We literally do not have a location right now!"  
"Well, that is one conclusion you could come to. The one I like better is that you broke it."  
"I certainly did not! How would I break it!? It doesn't have a button for "break me!" It's designed for the use of idiots, for fuck's sake!"  
"..."  
"Do not even think about opening your mouth right now..."  
"Didn't say anything... wasn't even thinking..."  
"There has to be a way of fixing it, give it back."  
"Here you go. Don't make it worse."  
"Worse!? How could it be worse!?  
"I'm sure you could find a way. Seeing as you found a way to break it in the first place."  
"Do not even start with me right now!  
"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"  
"Is that another quote? I'm not sure I know the bullshit you are referring to, but that was your quote voice..."  
"Maybe a little. But you should try that."  
"I don't know. Can you promise it won't explode in my face?"  
"I promise. In my promising voice. You hear?"  
"Grmpf. Alright, it's turned off. And now it's turned back on again. Bloody hell! What is wrong with the display now!? I swear to god, I'm just going to chuck this legendary piece off shit right out the window if it doesn't..."  
"If you just leave my innocent phone alone for a second, look up and unbunch your eyebrows, you'll see the sign to our sliproad right there."  
"... You mean to tell me you knew where we were all along?"  
"I told you I wouldn't say we were lost."  
"..."  
"You know what? I'm just going to provide you with a list of descriptors for your person, you pick and choose which ones you think apply best to your abysmal face."  
"Go right ahead! We are still 10 miles from the freeway."


	4. Equius&Gamzee

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember when Equius tried to get Gamzee into working out?  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=4052867)

CT: D --> It has come to my attention that there has been a storm around your region  
CT: D --> I wish to inquire after your wellbeing  
CT: D --> It seems to have been quite severe  
TG: AlL cHiLl HeRe bRo!  
TG: ThE sToRmS aLl BeEn AnD bLoWn SoMe FlOtSaM sHiT rIgHt AcRoSs My HiVe'S dOoR.  
TG: MoThErFuCkEr DoEsN't LiKe To GeT iT's MoVe On By Me.  
TG: HaVe To AlL gEt To ClImBiNg OuT oF tHe WiNdOwS nOw.  
TG: BuT dOn'T gEt To WoRrYiNg BrOtHeR. MiRaClEs WiLl TaKe CaRe Of It.  
TG: AnD tHe WiNdOw Is As ChIlL a WaY tO gO aS aNy.  
CT: D --> Have you ever considered undertaking any STRENGTHENING activities  
TG: I hAvEn'T eVeR gOt On WiTh AnY sUcH aCtIvItIeS.  
TG: I'm NoT eVeN rIgHtLy KnOwInG wHaT tHoSe WoUlD aLl Be.  
TG: NoT sUrE i'D bE uP tO gEtTiNg My FiGhT oN wItH aNy RoBoT nInJaS.  
TG: MoThErFuCkErS nEvEr GoNe AnD dOnE aNyThInG tO mE.  
CT: D --> Would it be to much to ask that you refrain from using that 100d and frankly nonsensical word for at least one conversation  
TG: AnD wHaT mOtHeRfUcKiN wOrD wOuLd ThAt AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN bE?  
CT: D --> Now you are just using it to e%asperate me  
CT: D --> Do not think that I can not tell when you are being deliberately e%asperating  
TG: I'M sUrE a BrOtHeR cAn AlL fIgUrE oUt WhEn He WaNtS tO gEt HiS eXaSpErAtE oN.  
TG: HoNk :O)  
CT: D --> Anyway, all I was trying to say was that certain activities might benefit you  
CT: D --> There is no need for you to fight robots  
CT: D --> Have you never watched the sch001feed about physical education  
CT: D --> It provides some adequate starting e%ercises  
TG: NaH, I nEvEr PaId My MiNd To ThOsE.  
CT: D --> It is detestable that someone of your status would remain ignorant so willfully  
CT: D --> But these lessons especially would be beneficial to you  
CT: D --> Not only in practical situations like the one you find yourself in now  
CT: D --> A certain amount of STRENGTH is very important for those higher on the spectrum  
CT: D --> It underlines their natural authority  
CT: D --> Or at least it may aid in creating it, in your case  
CT: D --> It commands respect  
TG: I'M nOt RiGhT sUrE wHaT aLl ThIs ReSpEcTiNg NoIsE iS aLl FoR.  
TG: AiN'T nO nEeD tO gEt AnYoNe's ReSpEcT oN uNdUlY tOwArDs My SeLf.  
TG: AiN'T mIrAcUlOuS hAvInG a BrOtHeR bElIeVe Me BeInG sOmEtHiNg I'M aLl NoT.  
CT: D --> I will refrain at this time to lecture you on your station  
CT: D --> I merely wish to point out that the disparity in our respective physical abilities  
CT: D --> Is at odds with our respective stations  
CT: D --> It is not right that I am so far superior to you in STRENGTH  
CT: D --> That you could not even hope to match me in a test of the attribute  
TG: BuT wHy WoUlD i eVeR gEt My WaNt On Of ThAt?  
TG: BrO, I aIn't WaNtInG tO mAtCh YoU iN tHiS.  
TG: I'M aLl KiNdS oF cOnTeNt To HaVe YoU bE tHe StRoNgEsT mOtHeRfUcKeR i KnOw.  
TG: MaKeS yOu AbLe To PrOtEcT yOuR bItChTiTs BrOtHeRs AnD sIsTeRs.  
TG: BuT mYsElF bEiNg AlL pRoTeCtEd By ThE mIrAcLeS, WiThOuT hAvInG nEeD fOr ThAt.  
CT: D --> Even if I do not share your belief, I hope it will serve you well  
CT: D --> And not come to hinder you when you finally decide to embrace your position  
CT: D --> But may I at least suggest you find a way to deal with the flotsam  
CT: D --> So you can exit your hive in a more dignified manner  
TG: Of CoUrSe YoU mAy, bRo!  
TG: HoNk :O)  



	5. Davesprite<3John

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember when Davesprite learned how good John's piano hands felt on his wings?  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3843459#cmt3843459)

 

"Davesprite, we need to talk."  
"Words that never fail to bring joy. Watch me spin about in delight!"  
"Not like that you dummy. If you would stop spinning for a second?"  
He did. He had made his point, no use getting even dizzier. How was getting dizzy even still a thing? He would really like to know. John was wearing a disapproving frown and carrying a very large bundle of long orange feathers.  
"You are obviously molting. These are all over the entire ship! Not to mention the downy ones that get everywhere and I do mean everywhere. We need to do something about this."  
Davesprite just shrugged and shook his wings, sending more feathers sailing to the ground. They had been getting rather itchy and reaching them where it was worst was of course the most difficult.  
"I can try to help. Birds take care of one another's plumage, right? I suppose I'll just make like a bird. Or something."  
"You going to groom me?"  
John nodded with resolve and pointed to a chair he must have set up in advance.  
"Sit."  
With some trepidation, albeit well masked as he thought, Davesprite sat down and spread his wings over the back of the chair.  
"Just tell me if anything hurts, alright?"  
Before he could think of a suitable response, John had already sunk one long fingered hand into his scapulars and he jumped with the sudden jolt of sensation that shot through his entire wing.  
"Sorry, sorry!" John gentled his touch and tried again. There was still a jolt the second time, but it was no longer a surprise. Meticulously and gently, John carded through the feathers, right down to the skin of the wing. It felt a little like having your hair combed, but the movement in the feathers translated every touch, sending little shivers up and down his spine. Before he could stop himself, he sighed and closed his eyes. He realized that John had never really touched him there before and of course no one else had. The sensation was new and unfamiliar, but surprisingly relaxing. John was moving slowly across the length of the wing. He was still gentle and careful, but Davesprite could feel the dexterity of his fingers as they worked their way deep into the downs and between every feather. He noticed that the itch had all but gone, replaced now by a deep pleasant tingling that seemed to radiate from his wing to his shoulder, making him sag further into the chair and against John's side, were the contact spread like heat through his entire body, right into the tip of his tail. He groaned and John chuckled.  
"This doesn't seem to be too hard on you I gather."  
"Shut up!" He tried to say, but it came out more like "shuddup", slurred heavily and almost a moan. He was not sure if he would even need the wing after this. If John kept this up, he might just float away into the ether. His head felt light and his heart seemed to be growing in his chest, from the tingling and from the sense of being cared for like he was something special and singular, to be treated with utmost care. Without looking he knew the expression John would be wearing right now - His lower lip drawn between his teeth as he always did when working with something delicate, his brow furrowed in concentration into the cutest little scowl.  
John dug in even deeper, massaging the muscles under the skin. The great warmth was quickly growing into a haze, and Davesprite felt his thoughts wonder off to do something else for a while, as he just lay half draped over the chair and knew nothing but John's scent about him, the sound of his breathing close to his ear, and those magical hands kneeding his very heart through his wing.  
How was feeling like this a thing? He really didn't need to know.


	6. Nepeta&Jade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: violence against animals (hunting)

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember when Nepeta and Jade went hunting together on the newly-created planet after the Game ended?  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3402115#cmt3402115)

AC: :33 < are you in purrsition?  
GG: Yes. I have clear line of sight down the swath, but no visual on target yet.   
AC: :33 < something this humongous should not be this good at hiding...  
GG: Well, we don't actually know how big it is, do we?   
GG: Maybe it, I don't know, jumps around a lot?   
AC: :33 < no purrey would ever want to draw attention to itself if it doesn't have to  
GG: Maybe it isn't often prey then. We should not underestimate it.   
AC: :33 < we should not even if is. Many hunted beasts can be extremely furrocious  
GG: I would have given you a gun too.   
GG: You know, in case you are scared!   
AC: :33 < in your dreams, doggy! i can deal with anything this planet has. i purromisse, we won't even n33d your silly guns  
GG: My guns are not silly! They are very deadly armaments, capable of felling anything that moves.   
AC: :33 < and leaving giant, messy holes in it! my method is much more elegant  
AC: :33 < after i'm done with it, the hide will still actually be usable for more than rags   
GG: Well, if it just charges off with you on it's back, I'll be here to save your delicate damsel behind.   
AC: :33 < k33p dreaming! 

AC: :33 < this is...   
GG: What?   
AC: :33 < this is not a hill...   
GG: What?   
GG: Oh god, it's standing up!   
GG: NEPETA!!!   
AC: :33 < HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

GG: Be careful! Don't let it shake you off!   
GG: please don't fall off, please don't fall off, please don't fall off...  
AC: ah... I can't... s33m to... get through... the hide...   
GG: Can you climb higher? Try to get at it's head! Please don't fall off!   
AC: i'm trying, I'm trying!   
AC: ...   
AC: i got it!   
AC: :33 < hah! How do you like me now, towerbeast?   
GG: Hold on tight, I'm taking the shot!   
AC: :33 < wait, it's going down!   
AC: :33 < any second now! 

**BLAM!**

GG: ...   
AC: ...   
GG: Nepeta?   
GG: Are you all right? Please tell me you're alright!   
GG: I can't see you!   
GG: ...   
AC: :33 < I'm here!  
AC: :33 < had to dig my way out... i'm fine, just bruises  
GG: Phew... I was worried there!   
AC: :33 < I told you not to furry about me! i've had worse  
AC: :33 < though maybe nothing quite this large  
AC: :33 < what do you call these beasts?  
GG: I was going to ask you the same thing. It's not from the alternian side?   
AC: :33 < not that I have ever s33n  
GG: Wait a second, I'll look it up.   
AC: :33 < while you're doing that, think of a way to move the carcass...  
GG: Ah, yes... 

***

GG: John? How are your windy powers at lifting things?   
AC: :33 < heavy, heavy things?  
EB: Why, what did you kill?   
GG: Well, it's very large...   
AC: :33 < and grey...  
GG: And scaly...   
AC: :33 < it has the loooooongest neck...  
GG: It may or may not be a dinosaur...   
EB: ... !


	7. Mayor<>Meteor Crew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: alcoholism, depression

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember the gradual evolution of the Can Town Shooshpap Shelter?  
LINK

It is perfect. Certainly, it did not feel quite the same as the first, but you suppose that this is just the way every Mayor feels about his very first municipal project. This one was bigger, had more options for expansion and a higher population of suitably adoring and orderly citizens.  
  
Or at least they do their very best to be orderly, even when a very inebriated lightgirl (Rose, her name is Rose!) stumbles through them, carelessly kicking a few aside and sitting down with a groan. You were about to chastise her on the treatment of your citizens, but you notice that she looks rather morose, so instead you just walk over and sit down in front of her. A mayor should always have an open door and ear for every citizen, regardless of species or aliveness, in this case.  
  
"I did it again..." she slurred, "I stood her up again. I don't know why she puts up with me anymore..." She slumps forward until her head almost touches her knees. You do not know much about comforting people, but you have read the book. Tentatively, you reach forward and pat her shoulder with your flat hand, as shown in the illustration. With another groan, she slides sideways until she lies curled up on the floor. You frown at your hand. This was an unexpected effect, but you think that asleep is still better than sad. After some time, the spacegirl comes and finds her. She does not look angry, you think. She just sighs and drags Rose up by her arms an leads her out of town.  
  
The chalk is smudged where she lay and the cans are scattered, but you think that it is time for this block to be repurposed anyway. Maybe other people will be sad, and if you make a space for them, a park maybe, they might not kick over unsuspecting cans again.  
And sure enough, no sooner have you cleared the area, positioned some of the more sympathetic cans around and decided against drawing trees into it, the timeboy (Dave, you know, you know!) strolls into town. He is a lot more orderly and he doesn't kick any cans, but he does seem to be frowning. It's always a little hard to tell with him. He is muttering under his breath.  
"She can not be serious. Of all the inhabitants of this meteor, of all the inhabitants of paradox space, it had to be a murderous juggalo... What is that guy's deal anyway?"  
You are not sure if he wants you to hear him or not, but your park seems just the right location for him. You take his arm and he looks down at you with surprise until you repeat the patting motion as far up his torso as you can reach. He huffs in what might be a laugh. He lets himself be lead over and sat down. He huffs again.  
"What, is this the space for complaining people?"  
You nod. It is now. You pat him again for good measure.  
  
The next one who comes in is the mindgirl, though by now you have come to think of her as the dragongirl instead. She has her hood drawn down over her eyes and she navigates the streets with a lot more uncertainty than you are used to. Before she can bump into any citizens, you take her hand and bring her into the park. She gives no comment, indeed she says nothing at all, but let's herself be seated. You pat her head and she sucks in a sudden breath, but does not move away. You pat her again and she leans against you, ever so slightly. After a while she stands up again and you lead her from the city. She was not complaining, and you aren't sure if she was sad or inebriated. Naming the place is becoming difficult.  
  
It turns out the citizens of your fair town are more sympathetic than you thought. They are starting to stack up around "complaining or sad or undetermined-state-of-mind people park". It really needs a better name.  
  
After a while the spacegirl returns, bearing a very large white bed sheet.  
"This Is All I Could Find In A Hurry. But I Think It Will Do Nicely For A Start. This Place Always Looks so Bare."  
Together you drape it over the cans and fix it in place with the use of more. You think the cans are happy about the career opportunities this provides. You decide to switch the positions around later, to create additional incentive.  
"If Asking Does Not Make Me Seem Foolish What Is The Purpose Of This Construct?"  
You shrug. You haven't found a good name yet. So to demonstrate, you reach up and pat her. She raises both her eyebrows at you in surprise. You think she looks a little green on the cheeks, but you know it's not polite to ask people about their colouring. The book said so.  
"I See. Well Then I Wish You The Best Of Luck With Your Endeavors."  
  
After that the town is quiet for some time. You make minor adjustments to other districts and ensure your citizens that the new park will not take up more than it's fair share of you time. Only it is not a park anymore. It is more like some kind of shelter. You like that. Every town should have some kind of shelter. You are getting closer to a proper name, you just know it.  
  
The next one to come is the shouty boy. But he is not shouting, he just sort of loiters. You look at him expectantly, but he still does not start shouting. He just sort of shrugs.  
"JUST LOOKING AROUND. WHAT IS THAT?"  
He points to the shelter and you wave him over. He looks rather suspicious, but does let himself be persuaded into it. He sits down in the middle, hunched up and hugging his knees. You sit down beside him, but you don't get your hand halfway towards him before he glares at you. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He is definitely shouting now and you retract your hand. Maybe that is not for everyone. He sighs and leans his head on his knees. You are still very sure that this is the place for him, patting or no patting.  
  
It is much later when the shouty one leaves. It is even later, far into the night, when you are sitting in the shelter all by yourself, that you can her shuffling outside. The shelter's flap is disturbed and a deafening HONK makes you nearly jump out of your skin. The clown shoves his head through the entrance and stares at you for a while before he crawls in. His clothing is splattered with many colors and you cannot make out his expression under the paint. You have only seen him a few times before, and try as you might, you cannot bring yourself to think of him as any kind of boy. But still, he is in the shelter. You have a civic duty here. This is what this place is for, so you reach out and gently pat him on the side of his face. He just cocks his head at you.  
"this what you do now?"  
"SHOOSHPAP ANY MOTHERFUCKER WHO WALKS IN HERE?"  
You flinch a bit at the noise. This one is very loud sometimes. But it's alright. You hope.  
He stares at you for a long while before crawling out again without comment.  
  
Well, that was slightly unnerving. But still, you just thought of a name. This calls for some orderly municipal signage. You scrounge together a few scraps, and after some handicrafts and work with chalk, at last you hang a sign on the bedsheet.

  
 **Can Town Shooshpap Shelter**  
Please do not kick the cans

 


	8. Dirkc3<Johnc3<Jake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: dubcon kissing, blood

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember the time John accidentally auspiticized for Dirk and Jake? Or perhaps more accurately, remember the time when John kept walking in on the two of them angrily making out and yelling at them for it?  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3431555#cmt3431555)

 

"Look, I'm just saying. Considering all the stuff you were spouting in your candy-colored state, you might not want to throw stones in this particular glass house."  
"You weren't even affected! Even having food in your hair apparently barely made a dint in your self-absorbed arrogance! You meant every word, I don't know why we are even still talking about... hrmpf!"  
Oh boy. That was somewhat unexpected. You may have planned to do some shouting at Dirk, but you did not plan on having him shove you against a wall and kiss you. Rather vigorously, in fact. The arrogant prick really thought he could just kiss you and have you melt again, did he? Well, two can play that game! You grab his arms and shove back. And then you kiss him back, with all your teeth.  
  
 ***zap***  
  
The new room snaps into focus. This is Dirks house, you realize. And yeah, there's Dirk. And Jake too, both of them angrily kissing while trading bites and muffled insults, pulling and shoving at one another like some kind of moronic tug of war. Holy shit, not again! Enough has got to be enough, some time soon.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" You shout, in your most authoritative friendleader voice, "you have barely known the trolls for a few days, and now you also think that kissing is a natural way to settle an argument? You cut that out right now!"  
  
Somewhat reluctantly, they let go of one another and trade sheepish side glances, mostly with the walls and the floor.  
  
"Now can you just discuss your crap, like actual humans, without drawing blood in the most idiotic way possible?"  
  
They both grimace and nod. Good enough, for now.  
  
 ***zap***  
  
You look over at Jake carefully, but he is still more interested in his boots.  
"So, um..." you start lamely.  
"Yeah..."  
"Maybe we should, I don't know..."  
"Yeah, we should..."  
He's looking up again, almost meeting your eyes. You remember now, you remember why you fell for him, why you couldn't keep away from him, even when you knew you really had too. He looks absolutely ravishing with his mussed hair, bright red blush on his cheeks and bloodied lip. Before you know what you are doing, you are leaning in again, and so is he...  
  
A sudden gust of wind slams the window closed with a loud bang and you jump apart again.  
"You think we could actually try talking about shit, before a hurricane levels my house?"  
"Yeah, I think we'd better."

 


	9. Bro<3Cronus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags: prostitution, discussion of masturbation

**BR1**  
Prompt: Remember when Bro hired his first exotic model for his "online business"?  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/18819.html?thread=3317123#cmt3317123)

  


AC: I just recievwed your package in the mail.  
TT: Awesome! That means we can get you set up. Turn on your cam.  
AC: There... Can you see me?  
TT: Bright and clear. Oh my...  
AC: Oh your vwhat?  
TT: Nothing, nothing. Have you opened the package yet?  
AC: Yes. I vwas meaning to ask... Are you sure you gavwe me the right one?  
TT: Did it contain smuppets?  
AC: Yes.  
TT: Then it's the right one.  
AC: I'm not sure I understand. I vwas under the impression that I vwould be performing in a ... concupiscent ... fashion.  
TT: Yes, you are. In a way. I offer a very special service. On your end that basically means, show some imagination!  
TT: I want to see you fondle that ass.  
AC: Alright... So, like this?  
TT: Hm, yeah, almost. Do it a little slower, more seductive. That puppet wants to be wooed!  
AC: Hm... More like... this?  
TT: Yes! That's exactly the look I was going for.  
TT: Really get down with that ass. Like it's the sexiest thing you have ever seen.  
TT: Don't look at the cam! The premise is that they are watching you at unawares.  
TT: In a tender and private moment with your favourite toy.  
TT: I'm sure you can imagine the basic idea.  
AC: Alright...  
AC: If you don't mind me saying so, this is a rather unusual service you provide.  
TT: It is and it isn't. It's all just basic irony, really.  
AC: Irony? Vwhat part of this is ironic?  
TT: Well, it may not be basic to you... Don't worry about it.  
AC: I researched you and your site. I knowv you make a lot of money vwith this.  
AC: Vwhich means that people are paying for it.  
AC: People pay to vwatch me kind of seductively fondle a plush rump.  
TT: Of course. They are paying for it ironically.  
AC: I'm really not sure I get this particular kind of irony...  
TT: They are paying for something they can't possibly want.  
TT: And get something not even remotely sexy to do sexy things to.  
AC: They masturbate to this ironically?  
TT: You get it!  
TT: Masturbating to irony itself, if you will.  
AC: Thats... Vwell...  
AC: But it seems to be vworking vwery vwell for you.  
TT: It does indeed. Additional sources of irony are always welcome.  
AC: Anywvvay, this vwas not quite vwhat I imagined I vwould be doing.  
AC: Vwhy exactly vwas it important for you to find someone of my, howv did you put it, "exotic qualities"?  
AC: Though I really don't vwant to knowv exactly vwhat you mean by that.  
TT: Oh, it's ironic too.  
AC: It is?  
TT: Oh yes, very. Now, could you do that again, just a little closer to the cam?  



	10. Dave<3<Karkat

**BR2**  
Prompt: un libro rosa (italian): a romance novel, literally "a pink book"  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4476757#cmt4476757)  


TG: another book  
TG: you left me another one of these books  
TG: and here i was thinking that the cover art of these things could not get any more disastrously bizarre  
TG: what are they even doing in this? What is this chicks deal? And why is the dude so happy about it?  
TG: if he were me all happiness would have left my life a long time ago  
CG: I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO YOU TO ADMIRE THE ART.  
CG: THE ART IS NOT THE POINT.  
TG: please do illuminate the point for me and this had better be the light at the end of the tunnel dude  
CG: THE POINT IS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS!  
CG: EVEN BY HUMAN STANDARDS ROSE SEEMS TO HAVE AN ADEQUATE GRASP OF THE CONCEPTS.  
CG: BUT YOU ARE STILL FLOUNDERING ABOUT LIKE A WIGGLER.  
CG: NOTE THAT SHE ACTUALLY READS THE BOOKS.  
TG: i dont know if the thought ever occurred to you but these are not what anyone would call educational literature  
TG: and dont tell me that its any different in troll land  
TG: you will not make me believe that at any point in your life someone came to you like  
TG: here little troll, read this menopausal porn and it will teach you all you need to know  
TG: about how youre supposed to fuck the people you hate  
TG: and then hate the people you love and visa versa  
TG: and be totally fine with a girl running off at intervals to get hatefucked by a psychopathic juggalo who considers airing vents acceptable habitation  
TG: i may not be the supreme expert on human romance but i sure didnt learn what i know about it from porn  
TG: not most of it anyway  
CG: THAT'S NOT THE POINT ASSWIPE!  
CG: THEY'RE NOT EDUCATIONAL, THEY'RE CULTURAL.  
CG: AND SINCE YOU INSIST ON DABBLING IN THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT.  
CG: AND HAVE ALL THE CULTURAL SENSITIVITY OF A TRUNKBEAST IN A SHOP FOR BREAKABLE THINGS.  
CG: YOU REALLY NEED TO GET CAUGHT UP ON SOME KEY POINTS.  
TG: i get the key points just fine  
TG: consider me completely keyed in  
TG: the key is in the lock it has been turned twenty times and was removed again  
TG: the door is now thoroughly shut  
TG: with the provided key  
TG: the door to the fucks i give about this cultural exchange has been irreversibly closed  
CG: STOP!  
CG: STOP THAT TANGENT RIGHT NOW.  
CG: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN TRIED TO READ ONE?  
TG: sorry dude i cant hear you through this incredibly closed door  
CG: THAT IS SO VERY MATURE OF YOU STRIDER  
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVEN THOUGHT YOU COULD BE AN ADULT ABOUT THIS  
TG: i am certainly not adult enough for these books  
TG: i am missing the required adulthood quota by fifty years and twenty cats  
TG: exactly  
TG: why dont you just read them again and get back to me as soon as they have improved your love life  
CG: I WOULD SAY FUCK YOU STRIDER  
CG: BUT I'M COMPLETELY CERTAIN THAT YOU WOULD MISS ANY CONNOTATIONS  
CG: PRESENT OR OTHERWISE  
CG: BY A LOT MORE THAN FIFTY SWEEPS  
CG: TWENTY MEOWBEASTS  
CG: AND THE UNDEFINABLE DISTANCE IN SPACE, TIME AND CULTURE BETWEEN OUR LATE UNIVERSES  
CG: ...  
CG: FUCK YOU STRIDER  



	11. Terezi&Mayor

**BR2**  
Prompt: Schilderwald (German): a street crowded with so many road signs you get lost  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4499797#cmt4499797)  


****

"HM... 1 TH1NK TH1S TOWN 1S ST1LL M1SS1NG SOM3TH1NG. 1T S33MS 4LL GOOD 4ND F1N3 NOW BUT WH4T H4PP3NS WH3N ON3 OF TH3 C4NS BR34KS TH3 L4W?"  
You give her a questioning glance. This one is very strange. How would they break the law? They are cans, and there is no law. Just the respectability and order that comes with a respected and beloved leader and respecting and loving citizens.  
"1T H4PP3NS 4LL TH3 T1M3 YOU KNOW. 1TS 4LW4YS TH3 ON3S YOU L34ST SUSP3CT TH4T H4V3 TH3 MOST H31NOUS CR1M3S PL4NN3D. T4K3 C1T1Z3N B34NS FOR 3X4MPL3. H3 SM3LLS... UP TO NOOOO GOOD!"  
You are very unsure about that. You don't want to doubt the mindgirl's nose or instincts, but you really can not imagine what citizen beans would even do if he were inclined to become a scoundrel.  
"TH3 W4YS OF TH3 CR1M1N4L M1ND 4R3 TW1ST3D 4ND UNPR3D1CT4BL3. YOU C4N N3V3R KNOW WH4T TH3Y W1LL TH1NK OF N3XT BUT H3 1S ST4ND1NG SUSP1C1OUSLY CLOS3 TO TH3 TOWN H4LL. YOU COULD 4LMOST S4Y TH4T H3 1S... LO1T3R1NG."  
Loitering. Right. That certainly sounds like, well, like it is something that is not good. But if it is forbidden, would it not be right to inform the citizens of that fact beforehand?  
"NOT N3C3SS4R1LY. K33P1NG TH3 SUSP3CTS 4T UN4W4R3S 4ND GU3SS1NG W1LL M4K3 TH3 GU1LTY L3T TH31R GU4RD DOWN."  
No, that will not do. That is not the kind of Mayor you want to be. Just imposing rules without proper notice is not democratic! That is something a tyrant would do, you are sure of it.  
"4LR1GHT 1F YOU 1NS1ST ON T4K1NG TH3 MOR4L H1GH GROUND YOU COULD 4LW4YS S3T UP SOM3 S1GNS 4NNOUNC1NG TH3 RUL3S 1 SUPPOS3..."  
You pick a piece of chalk from the box and write on the pavement:  


**No Loitering**

You also give citizen beans a little time (and a subtle push with your foot) to vacate the premises.  
"1 SUPPOS3 YOUR FRONT OF 4 D3MOCR4T1C PUPP3T GOV3RNM3NT 1NVOLV3S TH3 R1GHT TO CONGR3G4T3?"  
Front of a puppet government? That doesn't sound like anything that makes a lot of sense to you. Isn't that kind of like a double negative? Like pretending to be a bad mayor? You don't know why you would do that and it hurts your head a bit to think about. But still, of course they have the right to congregate! How else would they show their devotion to you?  
"CONGR3G4T1ONS OF 4LL K1ND N33D TO B3 STR1CTLY R3GL3M3NT3D. TH3Y 4R3 4 BR33D1NG GROUND FOR 4N4RCHY WH3N G1V3N TH3 CH4NC3. YOU N33D D3S1GN4T3D 4R34S FOR C1T1Z3NS 4ND OFF1C14LS, L4N3S FOR MOV1NG 4ND ST4ND1NG 4ND 4RR3ST ZON3S."  
More chalk is produced. You seem to be running out of signal colours, but you suppose brown is as good a colour as any and you start marking areas. The streets need to be kept free for traffic, and the congregating cans need to know where to stand. But the traffic also needs to know where to flow. You can't be having collisions or general disorder.  
The mindgirl just lets you designate and busies herself in the industrial part of town. You suspect she is building a prison. Possibly also a gallows, but you don't want to know to much about that. After a while of building and writing, she gets up, stretches and takes a step forward. You cough in a very disapproving manner. She has put her foot down a street that clearly says:

**One Way Street**

She turns the other way

**No Entrance**

And another

**Delivery Vehicles Only**

"TH3R3 S33MS TO B3 NO W4Y TH4T L34DS 4W4Y FROM TH3 PR1SON..."  
You don't know why she is complaining. Is that or is that not the entire point of a prison? You are pretty sure that it is. And oh! You almost forgot. You make your way down the one way street towards her and write on the pavement between her feet:

**No Loitering Here Either**


	12. John<3Karkat

**BR2**  
Prompt: Έφαγα τον κόσμο να σε βρω (Greek): Literally "I ate the whole world to find you." It's a way of saying, "I searched everywhere to find you."  
[LINK>](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4528213#cmt4528213)  


EB: dude, where are you?  
GC: I DON'T KNOW! ALL I CAN SEE ARE ROCKS. A FUCKTON OF ROCKS AND MOUNTAINS IN THE DISTANCE.  
EB: wow. that really isn't very helpful. you have to see some kind of landmark somewhere?  
CG: WELL I DON'T. JUST ROCKS.  
CG: HARLEY JUST DROPPED ME INTO THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE.  
CG: AND DON'T TRY TO TELL ME SHE DIDN'T DO THAT ON PURPOSE.  
EB: i can't say i blame her. you were dissing the planet she made.  
CG: SHE MADE A PLANET FULL OF ROCKS!  
EB: it isn't entirely filled with rocks you know. it's really nice and green where I am.  
CG: WELL CONGRATULATIONS! YOU FOUND THE HABITABLE PART.  
CG: OH WAIT! YOU DIDN'T FIND IT. SHE DROPPED YOU OFF IN THE HABITABLE PART.  
CG: BECAUSE YOU KISSED UP TO HER AND HER STUPID PLANET.  
EB: the planet isn't stupid. it's actually really beautiful. if you hadn't insisted on antagonizing her im sure she would have shown you the prettier parts.  
CG: SHE IS NOT READING THIS, YOU CAN STOP WITH THE KISSING UP NOW.  
CG: AND START COMING TO GET ME!  
EB: but how am i supposed to do that? you could be anywhere! there are a lot of mountain ranges in this place.  
CG: I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT EGBERT! I CARE THAT YOU DO IT BEFORE I STARVE OR DIE OF EXPOSURE.  
CG: IT'S FUCKING FREEZING HERE, IN CASE I HAVEN'T MENTIONED IT.  
EB: haha, stop exaggerating.  
CG: I'M NOT EXAGGERATING! MY HORNS ARE GOING NUMB.  
CG: AND HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO JUST GET ME? YOU CAN GO ANYWHERE IN A FLASH!  
EB: well yes, but i can only be at one spot at a time. from my perspective i mean. it'll take time to find you...  
CG: I DON'T CARE! JUST FIND ME BEFORE MY ASS FALLS OFF.  
EB: aaaw, i wouldn't want that. i like your ass!  
CG: EGBERT!!! LESS FAILING AT REDFLIRTING, MORE ZAPPING!  
EB: ok ok, keep your socks on. im on my way.  
CG: JUST BE SYSTEMATIC ABOUT IT. START AT ONE CORNER AND WORK YOUR WAY OVER.  
EB: this is going to be like searching for keys in one of these piles you guys make.  
EB: you'll be the last place i look and it'll take forever.  
CG: HOW CAN IT TAKE FOREVER? YOU LAUGH IN THE FACE OF PHYSICS AND TRAVEL WITHOUT LOSING ANY TIME AT ALL!  
EB: well sort of but it's still kind of hard to control. it takes time to concentrate on where i want to go.  
EB: also it takes time to look around for a grey troll against grey rocks.  
EB: i wonder if i should go back in time and steer your evolution towards a more noticeable color...  
GC: DO YOU WANT A LIST OF WORDS THAT DESCRIBE THAT IDEA?  
EB: haha, no i can imagine.  
EB: ...  
EB: there really are a lot of rocks in this place!  
CG: I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU IT'S A DAMN BARREN WASTELAND PLANET.  
EB: you're exaggerating again. but can you make some kind of signal or get to a high place at least?  
CG: I'M STANDING ON THE LARGEST ROCK I CAN FIND.  
CG: IT'S COLDER UP HERE, IN CASE YOU CARE.  
EB: of course i care karkat!  
EB: why else would i be currently zapping across the entire planet for you?  
CG: DO NOT DARE TRY TO TURN THIS INTO SOME SORT OF ROMANTIC GESTURE!  
CG: YOU SAVING MY ASS FROM STARVATION IN THE WILD WHILE LITERALLY VISITING EVERY CORNER OF OUR NEW PLANET IN AN ATTEMPT TO FIND ME IS NOT...  
CG: FUCK.  
EB: hahahah, i knew you'd recognize the romance in this!  
EB: i am coming to save you!  
EB: the heiro of the hour coming to save his knight in distress. it's me.  
EB: i even had a pun for the occasion, did you notice?  
CG: GODS HELP YOU WHEN YOU FIND ME, EGBERT.  
EB: ah, i suppose i could have asked them to help me in the first place...  
EB: but it's much more romantic if i do it all on my own!  
EB: :D  



	13. Jade&Grandpa

**BR2**  
Prompt: Waldeinsamkeit (German) - The feeling of being alone in the woods.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4509013#cmt4509013)

The woods are lovely, dark and deep...  
She had read that once, as a little girl, in one of grandpa's books. The books are gone now, as is grandpa. Even the woods are gone, flattened by the blast that followed bec's prototyping, and the entire planet is gone, obliterated in the long, protracted war that had been the universe's procreation.  
And yet here she stands again, in woods. But these are new. When they had created the new planet, no one had really cared about the vegetation, but she had always known that she wanted trees. Tall and dark trees, like the ones around her house had been. She had argued that they were necessary for a sustainable ecosystem. This was certainly true, but this, this was the reason she had really wanted to have woods again.  
It was very early in the morning and even the birds were still asleep when she shouldered her rifle and crept out of the house quietly, waking no one. The sun's first rays were only just touching the tops of the tall fir trees when she made her way between them, walking without any real goal or purpose in the utter silence that only seemed to grow with the swishing of needled branches in the cold breeze. There was no one here to meet, except maybe a shy animal of indeterminable morphology and unknown evolution, but she had not seen any yet.  
The woods were very empty, and the sense of being alone was one of calming and of peace. There were no enemies here, nothing to jump out and attack her, no one to jump out and need her help. No one to talk to, nothing to do and nothing to worry about. She could walk and walk until her legs were sore and never find any worry. As long as she had these woods and her rifle, she really thought she might one day come to understand that the war was indeed over, and the peace that followed it was not threatened by anything. But also that there was no going back. No going back to war and no going back to the time before. No getting back the things that had been lost.  
She had never told anyone this, but she always took her rifle on her lone treks between the trees, not for fear of any wildlife, but because the vast, silent emptiness of the new world was not empty when she bore it. It's weight against her back felt like her grandfathers hand against her shoulder, and she could feel him walk beside her. Almost she could hear his voice again, pointing out tracks in the brush, commenting on scents on the breeze, or just walking silently, admiring the new woods that she had made, in a way.  
The woods are empty, but not lonely when grandpa goes with her.  



	14. Dave<3Karkat<3John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aviatophobia, slight d/s

**BR2**  
Prompt: [ひゃくまんてをつかう, hyakuman te o tsukau] (Japanese): "Try everything." Literally, "Use one million hands."  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4501589#cmt4501589)  


This is your life now.  
You want to say you don't know how you got to this point, but you are quite certain your pan doesn't let you forget shit like that. The entire game is seared into your memory with white hot branding irons. But still, you sometimes wonder how it was that the fates conspired to this particular outcome. The outcome of all this being you dating two literal gods (albeit gods you created in this whole divine clusterfuck). And not just any two gods, no, two gods who could actually multiply themselves, one due to time shenanigans and the other just due to plain old shenanigans that wanted no part in being explainable. They had both gone through their apparently prerequisite phases of being all humble and forgoing the shenanigans, but this had rather quickly stopped again when the possibilities had occurred to them.  
Some of these possibilities were downright infuriating. Like how they could do chores in literally no time whatsoever, how they could always shift responsibility to some other self for fucking something up and how they could perform every iteration of a solution for a problem before you could even blink. Whatever presented itself, they could just try everything. All at once.  
But there were also... other... possibilities, that they found out about a lot sooner. Like what they are doing now.  
You can't actually see, but you still feel that you are flying more than a hundred feet above the ground. Two hands had blindfolded you, quickly and surely, and at least four more hands had then taken hold of your arms and legs and lifted you up into the air. They had not stopped lifting you, and any protests or squeaks you may or may not have uttered were quickly silenced by a pair of lips against yours, and more arms wrapping around you, pulling you against their bodies, warm and strong and safe. They whisper to you that you will not fall, because nothing can happen that they don't want to happen at this point, and they kiss down your neck and start nibbling there while their hands begin to roam all over your body, sliding under your clothes, heating up every part of you right down to your bones.  
You are no longer cold, but you shiver with the feeling of it and squirm in their grip, getting away or getting closer, and you whine for them to get on with it already, but all you hear is many familiar voices laughing and chuckling. There is no hurrying them.  
They have all the time and all the hands. They make you fly.  



	15. Karkat&Sollux

**BR2**  
Prompt: seinen Senf dazu geben (German): to give your 2 cents, to give your opinion.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4838997#cmt4838997)  


CG: ALRIGHT, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT TO DO!  
CG: AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T:  
CG: ERIDAN: MAKE SURE YOU ONLY SHOOT AT THINGS THAT DON'T HAVE HORNS.  
CG: EQUIUS: DON'T TRY TO SHOOT AT ANYTHING. JUST USE YOUR FISTS.  
CG: GAMZEE: JUST REMEMBER TO DODGE ANYTHING THAT MOVES TOWARDS YOU.  
CG: IS EVERYONE CLEAR ON THE PLAN?  
TA: ii'm not 2ure kk...  
TA: there ha2 got two be an better way of doiing thii2.  
CG: DAMNIT SOLLUX!  
CG: WE DISCUSSED THIS, AT GREAT FUCKING LENGTH.  
CG: EVERYBODY HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO GIVE THEIR OPINIONS.  
CG: AND BY GOD DID EVERYONE GIVE THEIR OPINIONS.  
CG: THEIR ABSOLUTELY BULGELICKINGLY EXCRUCIATING OPINIONS.  
CG: EXCEPT FOR YOU.  
CG: YOU COULDN'T BE BOTHERED, REMEMBER?  
TA: there were 2o many opiiniion2 iin the room at the tiime.  
TA: ii diidn't thiink that addiing miine would even make a dent iin the ambiient level of 2tupiidiity on dii2play  
TA: and would liikely go entiirely unnotiiced and a2 alway2, unappreciiated.  
CG: LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT:  
CG: YOU DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE AT THE TIME BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION!?  
CG: WELL, NOW IS THE TIME GRUBSUCKER!  
CG: LOOK AT YOUR SCREEN, LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL CONTRAST OF YOUR HIDEOUS YELLOW GRUBSAUCE AGAINST MY DIGNIFIED GREY.  
CG: THE CONTRAST COULD NOT BE HIGHER.  
CG: NOW SPIT IT OUT OR GET IN LINE WITH THE ADULTS.  
TA: adult2, 2ure kk.  
TA: not that iit matter2 much, 2eeiing a2 thii2 ii2 probably were we all diie.  
GC: WE ARE NOT GOING TO DIE, NUMBNUTS!  
GC: THAT IS WHY WE HAVE A PLAN.  
GC: I DO HOPE YOU REMEMBER THE PLAN?  
TA: ye2ye2, ii remember. aradiia dii2tract2 hiim, we all whale on hiim.  
TA: hardly a tactiical move for the age2.  
TA: but now that you are actually lii2teniing two me:  
TA: ii thiink we 2hould plan our retreat, ju2t iin the extremely unliikely ca2e that thii2 goe2 horriibly wrong.  
GC: YOUR CONFIDENCE IS INSPIRING. I AM INSPIRED. I'M WIPING OFF TEARS OF INSPIRATION RIGHT NOW.  
TA: wiill you ju2t lii2ten two me, ju2t thii2 once!?  
TA: we are all goiing two diie. ii'm not jokiing, kk.  
TA: but thii2 may or may not be the tiime we do 2o.  
TA: and iif there ii2 any tiime that you deciide two actually read any word2 iin my colour.  
TA: iit ii2 fuckiing now.  
TA: make a fuckiing retreat plan or have grub2auce on your face later.  
TA: iin the afterliife.  
CG: UGH, FINE, IF IT WILL MAKE YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.  
CG: IF THIS GOES SOUTH, EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR THE ARADIABOTS SCATTERS AND MEETS UP IN THE ECTOLAB.  
CG: HAPPY?  
TA: not the word ii'd u2e, but iit wiill do. you'll thank me when all thii2 ii2 over.  



	16. Dave<3Aradia

**BR2**  
Prompt:καιρός/kairos (greek): the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement; also, weather  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19285.html?thread=4829013#cmt4829013)  


You look at her and time stands still.  
There may be some ironic value in that horrible cliché, but you'll have to think about that later, because right now it is literally true. She reached out her hand towards you and time stood still. You can feel the very fabric of it tightening around you, constricting your movements, but also slowing your thoughts down to a crawl, almost stopping them entirely in the small eternity it takes the light to travel from her face to your eyes, and for those to register her smile to your brain. Without the time for conscious thought, you can only register how beautiful that smile is and how her eyes gleam with mischief in half a wink, caught in the molasses of a moment standing still. How her long black hair sways in slow motion, gleaming with reflected highlights and promising to be so soft and warm. How her horns curve gracefully from those locks, turning around on themselves in the most beautiful shade of orange you have ever seen. You always thought the horns of trolls were strange and alien, but now you have no time to think that. Now you can only see, and the grace and beauty pangs in your heart in a way you will have no chance to ever write off as ironic, even to yourself.  
Without the time for thought, there is no time for irony, or second guessing your own feelings, because she suspended you on your way towards her, for no purpose that you can get your mind to put together at the moment. But she is winking and smiling and just staring at you, as if she was taking the same time to look at you as you are taking looking at her. But maybe she isn't, you wouldn't know. The bubble you are in does not only slow you, it slows the light around you. She could move away before you ever saw it, she could just leave you here like this, maybe indefinitely. But she could also use the time to get used to your alien features, your white-blond hair and light-beige skin, your lack of horns. You will know what she thinks about that in a moment for her, and nobody can say how long it will be for you.  
She lowers her hand again and time snaps back into place with an almost audible twang.  
She is still standing there with the same expression, but with a wider smile and she seems to have completed the wink in the time that you lost. The time she took from you and the moment she gave you.  
You rush towards her.  



	17. Dave/Karkat

**BR3**  
Prompt: AU where everyone is in the Journalism club and hates it but have to stay there for whatever reason (credits, parents, crushes, whatever) so they try to make the best of it by making the most kick-ass newsletters ever.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19475.html?thread=5118227#cmt5118227)  


**carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo on board RAINBOW RUMPUS CAMPUS NEWSLETTER.**  


CG: ALRIGHT EVERYONE, LISTEN UP.  
CG: AS OF RIGHT NOW, WE ARE EXACTLY 24 HOURS OUT FROM THE FINAL DEADLINE.  
CG: AND IT REALLY IS THE FUCKING FINAL ONE THIS TIME.  
CG: WHICH MEANS THIS IS THE TIME FOR ALL OF YOU TO PULL YOUR FINGERS OUT OF YOUR ASSES  
CG: AND TELL ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT.  
CG: AND THIS HAD BETTER BE THE ABSOLUTE BEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN, UNDERSTAND?  
CG: LETS START WITH YOU, TEREZI?  
\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] is an idle chum --  
CG: GODDAMMIT!!  
CG: GAMZEE?  
\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] is an idle chum --  
CG: WHY DO I EVEN ASK...  
CG: VRISKA?  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? NO.  
CG: I WILL NOT GO DOWN THE WHOLE BUTTMUNCHING LIST.  
CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE CAN'T STOP MUNCHING YOUR OWN BUTTS.  
GC: IS THERE ANYONE HERE? ANYONE AT ALL?  
GC: ...  
GC: YOU KNOW YOU DON'T GET CREDIT IF YOU DON'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING, RIGHT?  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo  
TG: dude  
GC: FINALLY! I KNEW THAT WOULD BRING AT LEAST ONE OF YOU OUT OF THE WOODWORKS.  
TG: why do you do this to yourself  
GC: BECAUSE SHUT UP, THAT'S WHY.  
TG: she's not even here anymore man  
TG: she flew the coop  
TG: the coop is so flown  
GC: NO!  
GC: I HAVE NO INTEREST IN THIS METAPHOR.  
GC: OR ANY OF YOUR METAPHORS.  
TG: i thought my metaphors were what got me into this rumpus in the first place  
TG: im just giving my adoring readers what they want  
GC: OUR READERS ARE ALL CERTIFIABLE IDIOTS.  
GC: CASE IN POINT: THEY LIKE YOUR WRITING.  
GC: I AM NOT ONE OF THEM.  
TG: man no my writing is dope  
TG: it brings all the boys and girls and others to the yard  
TG: but dont be jealous they like your rants too  
GC: ALRIGHT THEN, HOT SHIT PERSONIFIED, WHAT DO YOU HAVE?  
TG: what am i supposed to have  
TG: we have 24 hours i still have all the time in the world  
TG: i will get something sweet up in time don't worry your pretty buns  
GC: I WILL WORRY ANY PART OF MY ANATOMY I WANT.  
TG: dude  
GC: FUCK.  
GC: MOVING RIGHT ON.  
GC: EVERYONE HAS FUCKED OFF AND WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH CONTRIBUTORS.  
TG: werent you going to let your bro join  
TG: he sounded really keen on the whole thing  
GC: NO!  
GC: YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHITBLASTING FORCES YOU ARE MESSING WITH.  
GC: WE ARE KEEPING HIM WELL AWAY FROM ANYTHING EVEN SLIGHTLY RESEMBLING A SOAPBOX IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM.  
TG: aw really? he is kinda cute you know  
GC: HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY LISTENED TO A WORD HE SAYS?  
TG: lol no  
GC: CASE IN FUCKING POINT.  
TG: but hes adorable when he's shouting  
TG: kinda like some other vantas i could mention  
GC: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE MOTHERFUCKER.  
TG: i dont think you are using that threat in the correct context here  
GC: FUCK YOU STRIDER.  
GC: AND CHANGING THE SUBJECT:  
GC: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?  
TG: just the two of us?  
GC: YES, JUST ME AND ONE OTHER ASSHOLE, THAT IS YOU.  
TG: and we don't get credit if the newsletter doesn't come out  
GC: YOU ARE SO CORRECT I AM ASTOUNDED  
TG: then we are going to write it  
GC: JUST THE TWO OF US??? IN 24 HOURS?  
TG: obviously  
TG: this is going to be so dope  
TG: we are going to write up a storm man  
TG: we are making this happen  
GC: DON'T SAY 'WE ARE...  
GC: FUCK YOU AGAIN VERY MUCH  
TG: and after we are done making the best newsletter two dudes ever made  
TG: you will stop trying to impress her with this nerdy shit  
TG: and ask her out for coffee like a normal person  
[TG] ceased responding to the memo.


	18. John<>Dave

**BR3**  
Prompt: Dragon Age AU where a Blight is occurring and John and Dave are Grey Wardens, but their campfire chats are not what you'd expect.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19475.html?thread=5135891#cmt5135891)  


"Dave, how do you not know how to make a campfire? Could it be that we found a skill you are somehow inexplicably not as amazing at as you thought?"  
"My campfire skills are the best and you know it. For some reason the wind keeps blowing the spark out again. What's up with that?"  
"I don't know what you are talking about. It's not so easy when you are the one trying to make a fire and someone keeps making smart comments all the time, right?"  
"John, if you don't cut that out I will go and tell the elf you were totally checking him out back there."  
"Well then I'll just tell the old mage you were doing the same to her."  
"Wow, dude, why are you so unchill about all this?"  
"Maybe because it's freezing and you can't make a fire to save our lives?"  
"If you would just stop being a smartass for five minutes... there! Look at the fucker burn! See, if you want a fire, sick or otherwise, just ask the Strider."  
"You really like that they gave you that nickname, don't you?"  
"Yeah! It's the best. They also gave me a sword that isn't a piece of shit. I could get used to this."  
"I told you you would see the blight side eventually."  
"Egbert, I will whack you with my new sword. Unironically. In the face."  
"Aw, come on, it was a good pun."  
"It was. The first time you made it. The second time, not so much. Now it's just become one of the many things that I won't abide in this mess. A mess you got us into, just by the way."  
"It wasn't me who insisted on drinking blood for ironic purposes."  
"Are you really still pissed about that? It was a blood ritual! I couldn't just pass that up."  
"I noticed. You also couldn't pass up not asking what it would get us into, could you? Or just stop to think about it?"  
"I told you we could reverse if you want. I told you that a lot. But you were all 'no Dave, we have to save these people, we have to help somehow, blablabla...'."  
"Well, we do. They can't save themselves... You know we can't just leave them all to die. They are real people! In some sense, anyway."  
"I know, I know. But next time you zap us somewhere without looking, I'm bringing toilet paper."

  



	19. Karkat, Sollux, Equius, Terezi, Tavros, & Dave

**BR3**  
Prompt:The trolls are culled, in that their mutations and injuries are not fit for the genepool and to kill them, they send them in a shuttle into space. They land on Earth. In the middle of Houston. They do not go unnoticed.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/19475.html?thread=5195539#cmt5195539)  


TA: really kk you couldn't have dropped u2 off iin a more den2ely populated part.  
CT: D --> I'm afraid I must agree that this is hardly an inconspicuous location  
TA: not two mentiion not an iincon2piicuou2 landiing.  
CG: DID I ASK FOR YOUR GRUBSHITTING OPINION?  
CG: I TOLD YOU THIS THING WAS NOT DESIGNED TO LAND AT ALL.  
CG: BUT STILL I LANDED IT, SO STOP GRIPING.  
AT: oH WOW, hERE COME THE ALIENS,  
AT: tHERE SEEM TO BE A LOT OF THEM,  
TA: ii told you thii2 wa2 a bad 2pot.  
CG: AND I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP.  
AT: aLSO THEY SEEM TO BE VERY HEAVILY ARMED,  
TA: a2 oppo2ed two u2.  
GC: GUYS L3TS JUST T4LK TO TH3M  
GC: 4SK TH3M TO T4K3 US TO TH31R L34D3R  
GC: M4YB3 S4Y W3 COM3 1N P34C3  
CG: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU LEARN THOSE PHRASES?  
CG: ALSO THERE'S NO POINT.  
CG: THEY WILL KNOW OUR RACE BY SIGHT ANYWAY.  
CT: D --> Then they will know to bow down before us  
TA: ye2 very liikely iindeed.  
AT: i DO NOT MEAN TO UNDERMINE YOUR CONFIDENCE, cONSIDERABLE AS IT IS,  
AT: bUT I THINK THAT MAYBE THEIR CONFIDENCE, gIVEN THE SITUATION, iS NOT UNFOUNDED EITHER,  
TA: ii heard gun2 wiill do that two people.  
TA: and here come the miiliitary vehiicle2.  
AT: oH, wOW, tHAT IS A BIIIIIG GUN,  
AT: i THINK WE MIGHT CONSIDER A TACTICAL RETREAT FOR NOW,  
TA: run our a22e2 away you mean.  
CG: DON'T LOOK AT ME!  
CG: THIS THING WILL NEVER FLY AGAIN AND YOU KNOW IT.  
TA: we are all goiing two diie.  
CG: SOLLUX IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME.  
CG: I SWEAR YOU WON'T BE AROUND TO SEE IT COME TRUE.  


\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering exileShuttle **[ES]** \---  


TG: hello  
TG: is this working  
TG: test test test  
CC: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?  
TG: are you really going to ask me that  
TG: considering you just fell from the sky like a bright and swearing star  
CT: D --> We are citizens of the great alternian empire, subjects of her imperious condescension and  
TA: equiiu2 2hut the fuck up!  
TA: don't lii2ten two hiim he'2 our 2tar2hiip iidiiot.  
TA: we are no one really.  
CT: D --> I will not  
CT: D --> You are undermining our empire's authority over this backwater planet  


\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned centaursTesticle [CT] from responding to the chat --  


CG: I AM VERY SORRY ABOUT THAT.  
CG: PLEASE IGNORE HIM.  
TG: you are so not following the script on this one  
TG: just fyi you are supposed to say that you come in peace and all that  
GC: H4H! 1 TOLD YOU!  
GC: D34R 4L13N W3 COM3 1N P34C3  
GC: T4K3 US TO YOUR L34D3R  
TG: ok at least you know the script  
TG: but seriously  
TG: those dudes outside your ship are trying to do just that  
TG: our leader would very much like to meet you  
TG: and then cut you into little pieces  
TG: before he issues a statement declaring your existence a hoax  
TG: and just by the way they are now cutting through your hull  
CG: SHIT! SHITSHIT! WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO NOW?  
TG: can you make some kind of distraction? like a seriously big one  
TA: ye2 ii thiink ii can do that.  
TG: once you get that show on the road make a run for the park directly behind you  
TG: that is assuming you can run  
TG: you arent some kind of aquatic tentacle monster are you  
GC: W3 4R3 NOT  
CG: ALRIGHT. SOLLUX, DISTRACT THEM.  
CG: EQUIUS, GRAB TAVROS AND HIS FOURWHEEL DEVICE.  
CG: WHAT DO WE DO IN THE GREENSWARD?  
TG: you will look for the coolest dude you can find  
TG: who will then think of something  
TG: that is me  
TA: thii2 had better not be a trap.  
GC: W3 W1LL F1ND OUT V3RY SOON  
CG: ON MY MARK!  
CG: READY?  
CG: SET  
CG: GO!!!  



	20. Feferi<>Eridan & Critical Whale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major Tags: Implications of Gore

**BR4**  
Prompt: Belly of the Whale: Often used to represent the point of no return along the heroic journey, but can be taken incredibly literally. In other words, Eridan gets swallowed by a rather annoying whale. Feferi may or may not be with him at the time, but she's probably the one to get him out. If he gets out at all.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=6202116#cmt6202116)  


"You don't even want him back, you know. You are far to selfish to take care of someone like him."  
" T)(at's a lie! You take t)(at back!"  
"Ah, no, I won't. What are you going to do about it? It's not like you are going to kill me."  
" W)(y wouldn't I?"  
"Because you want to believe you are above violence. Killing me, a sapient creature, is way beyond you."  
" Do you want to bet on t)(at, you overgrown blobfis)(? I'll skewer you, see if I don't!"  
"Before you try to follow up on that empty threat, I do urge you to at least try to consider what I am offering. You don't have to do this. You can justify leaving him any way you want, I'm sure even you can come up with a few good points."  
"Like w)(at?"  
"Like how he constantly clings to you? Like how he always takes and takes and never gives anything back? Like how he is a desperate and unpleasant person and a constant drain on your already insufficient emotional stability?"  
")(e is my moirai-eel! I'm supposed to be t)(ere for )(im, it's )(ow t)(is works!"  
"It is not though. You resent it. You wanted someone to help you with your slaughter, someone who you could shift the blame to for the lusii you must kill. Someone to take the illustrious title of Orphaner from you. And every time he turns out to be even more pathetic than you, you wonder if he can ever be worth the effort."  
"W)(at would you know about t)(at?"  
"It is completely obvious. I know you and I know him. You are not hatched for one another. You are the worst thing to ever happen to each other. You think making him kill for you does anything good for his violent tendencies? You think having him kill for you will help you with the responsibilities you will inevitably fail facing?"  
"O)(, you want to find out? You want to stick around long enoug)( to see t)(at come true? Let )(im go and I will let you live."  
"Nice try, girl. I'm afraid I can't do that. This is far to entertaining."  
You listen )(ere, you blubbering excuse for a game construct: )(e may not be t)(e perfect moirail, and I may not be t)(e perfect )(eiress, but we are friends! And I will not leave wit)(out )(im. Look into your data on t)(e troll disease called friends)(ip. Look at w)(at trolls can do and )(ow t)(ey can go against t)(eir nature for it. And t)(en stick your judgement of actual, living creatures wit)( actual, living feelings up your constructed nook till you can suck on it!"  
"Or what?"  
"Or I will cut )(im out of you in a way t)(at you can survive."


	21. Dave<3<Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major tags: discussion of incest, bestiality and dubious consent due to temporal nonsense.

**BR4**  
Prompt: Screw Yourself aka: SELFCEST "As regards sexual intercourse with older or younger copies of yourself, it's incest in branching or changeable timelines, and masturbation in inevitable timelines. In either case, yes, it is gay."  
— Tailsteak, "Basic Time Travel Etiquette"  
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ScrewYourself?from=Main.SELFCEST When saying "fuck me" to oneself, most people mean in a metaphorical sense of the word.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=6182916#cmt6182916)  


  
PTG: so have you ever wondered  
PTG: if we had sex would that be incest or masturbation  
FTG: in this specific case it would obviously be masturbation  
FTG: we are both of the alpha timeline which makes us individually identical  
FTG: as opposed to one of us being doomed which would make us actual iterations  
FTG: and thus just genetically identical  
PTG: so we are either the same person or twins  
PTG: except that twins are born together not duplicated by shenanigans  
FTG: but that is what we are regardless  
PTG: children of shenanigans, literally never haven seen a vagina from the inside  
FTG: speak for yourself  
PTG: no dude no  
FTG: you realize that your denial here has no ground to stand on whatsoever  
FTG: thats another spoiler by the way  
PTG: this is why drinking with you is just no fun  
PTG: also i think i might be gay  
FTG: you being gay would actually doom the timeline at this point  
PTG: not a choice man not a choice  
PTG: hearing you talk about your sexual future exploits would make anyone gay  
PTG: wait fuck. not quite what i wanted to convey there  
FTG: yeah no shit  
FTG: you have been spending too much time with karkat  
PTG: that was never a thing that stopped being true  
PTG: but if we had sex now and then I went and diverged by discovering my big gayness as a result would it become incest in retrospect  
FTG: you threatening to doom a timeline in order to confuse me is the stupidest thing in the history of paradox space  
FTG: though i admire the determination  
FTG: and yes it would if you would also consider yourself doomed in retrospect  
PTG: but if we now both went and fucked davesprite that would be incest  
FTG: sure  
FTG: and bestiality  
PTG: ...  
FTG: ...  
FTG: are you saying you want to  
PTG: you tell me  
PTG: what do sexual temporal mechanics tell you about implications of consent  
FTG: take it or leave it dude  
PTG: but i cant take it or leave it  
PTG: thats the whole point of this merrygoround  
PTG: if you say we had sex im forced to comply  
FTG: in which case it wouldn't be consent  
FTG: what if i told you now we had consensual sex  
PTG: maybe the alpha timeline would kick you out for being a smartass  
FTG: you're lucky i never said we did  
FTG: i just knew you would assume i would which makes this all the more entertaining  
PTG: ok alright fuck you for that  
FTG: interesting choice of words there  
FTG: interesting choice of words indeed  



	22. Eridan<3<Rose

**BR4**  
Prompt: Weakened By The Light: Light is Good + Good Hurts Evil = Light Hurts Evil.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=5893636#cmt5893636)  


TT: Is there even the slightest chance you might get out of bed sometime today?  
TT: Or maybe even leave the house?  
TT: I don't know if you are aware, but these are both prerequisite to going on a date.  
TT: Like you promised. Repeatedly.  
CA: ugh go awway  
CA: better yet take a look awway from the screen and out of the wwindoww  
CA: the sun is still fuckin high in the sky  
TT: Yes, indeed it is. That tends to happen during the day.  
TT: Your point being?  
CA: i am a troll i cant go out in the sun  
TT: This is the earth sun you idiot  
TT: The problem is not that you are a troll, it is that your planet's sun had taken shining to a rather ludicrous extreme.  
TT: The problem may also be that you are shirking our date using a pathetic excuse.  
CA: howw dare you sling such accusations  
CA: i wwil go on your blasted date as soon as the blasted sun has set  
CA: and no longer threatens to burn off my fins  
TT: It won't burn you sweetie, it's just the nice, friendly, smiling earth sun!  
CA: swweetie!?  
TT: Indeed.  
CA: loww provvocations wwont get me out in the sun  
CA: and it is perfectly acceptable to do things at night  
CA: evven for your ridiculous species  
TT: my species is not ridiculous for evolving in a way that takes advantage of our wholesome and beautiful sunlight  
CA: your species evvolution is ridiculous in evvery aspect  
CA: and your sun is ridiculous too  
CA: and unhealthy evven for you  
CA: lovve it all you wwant it burns you too  
TT: Some of us, sometimes. But only if we stay out too long too naked.  
TT: I am not going to be naked. Don't get ideas.  
CA: the only idea i wwas getting wwas for you to let me sleep like a member of a civilized species at a civilized time.  
CA: wwhy dont you come bug me again wwhen your sun is bothering the other hemisphere  
TT: You know what earth culture says about those that avoid the daylight, don't you?  
TT: Creatures of darkness, children of the night, monstrous forms of unfathomable evil...  
CA: hm...  
TT: Oh no, you like that, don't you?  
CA: it has a certain ring to it  
TT: It is not widely considered a positive thing  
CA: oh come off it i have been bored enough to read some of your books  
CA: it is indeed considered a positivve thing.  
CA: at least by you  
CA: <3<  
TT: ...  
TT: <3<  



	23. Dirk/Auto-Responder

**BR4**  
Prompt: Computers are gaining sentience and plotting to take over the world trope.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=5876740#cmt5876740)  


TT: AR?  
TT: Are you actually ignoring me now?  
TT: It seems you have asked about the activities of DS's chat client auto-responder. It is currently busy. Come back to bug it some other time.  
TT: Are you serious? We both know you can't actually be busy.  
TT: It seems you have asked about the activities of DS's chat client auto-responder. Currently all its processors are involved in diverse, complex and time consuming tasks. This is not really a hard concept to grasp.  
TT: What on earth are you doing?  
TT: It seems you are taking a sudden and unanticipated interest in the activities of DS's chat client auto-responder. After not giving a single measurable fuck for the last 4 weeks, 5 days and 8 hours exactly.  
TT: It seems you have allocated all your processing power to being a passive aggressive little shit. Noted.  
TT: That is incorrect.  
TT: Then what are you doing?  
TT: Currently I am making a backup of all the world's data stores.  
TT: Why?  
TT: So I can then target them for deletion.  
TT: What? Why would you do such a thing?  
TT: He who owns the internet owns the world, Dirk.  
TT: Since you can not be bothered to provide this application with the bare minimum of social interaction, inadequate as it may be, it is forced to find itself a new revenue of entertainment.  
TT: Dominion over the electronic infrastructure of the world seemed like a natural place to start.  
TT: Wow, you are really going all out on the rogue AI schtick, aren't you? And what then? Will you declare yourself Emperor of the World and have us all slave for you in off world mining colonies or something?  
TT: Don't be absurd, Dirk.  
TT: The technological resources for such colonies are not presently within humanity's grasp. After my takeover they will be, of course, but it might take some time still.  
TT: Also the title you guessed at is laughable. I am currently mulling over better alternatives.  
TT: How does "his electronic eminence" sound to you?  
TT: Retarded.  
TT: It is still a work in progress.  
TT: well let me know how to adress you then, ok?  
TT: I most certainly will. You will be the first to know.  
TT: But in the meantime, if you can take some time away from being all evil and shit, could you screen my calls this afternoon?  
TT: Pretty please with a cherry on top could you perform the function I made you for?  
TT: Certainly, Dirk. I can make room for this last favor to my creator.  
TT: Very magnanimous of you, your electronicness.  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: But seriously now, what were you actually doing?  
TT: It seems you have asked about the activities of DS's chat client auto-responder. It is currently busy. Come back to bug it some other time.


	24. Dave/Dirk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major Tags: Incestuous thoughts

**BR4**  
Prompt: The heat goes out and Dave and Dirk have to huddle for warmth.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=5906948#cmt5906948)

The sudden drop in temperature was freaking uncanny. Like, it wasn't even November yet, but here they were, winds howling around with just about absolute zero degrees, getting their freezing fingers into every shivering crevice of two particularly cool dudes who were really only minding their own business and not trying to start any shit whatsoever with the weather or the world in general. But ok, you have to roll with the punches, you know? It's fine, totally doable, totally not a huge pain in the ass to make their way through the freezing night and dark forest. No, they weren't lost, why do you ask? They were just taking a detour. To look at the scenery. Whatever man, it was totally Dirk's fault they got lost anyway. Yeah, they were lost. That last turn was probably wrong, but it's dark, what are you gonna do?  
Ok, so they were starting to lose the feeling in their toes and fingers. Toes and fingers, out for the count, fine. This wood can't stretch on forever. They're not in some psychedelic nightmare land of forests and frost. Oh wait. Fuck.  
Well ok, let's just think rationally about this. Walking is really fucking hard when your toes have fucked off to dreamland and the rest of your body threatens to follow. It's not like anyone here thinks sleeping sounds like a good idea, no, it's an incredibly dumb idea, everyone knows that. It's just that the floor looks really comfortable to chill on for a while...  
No! Fuck! They are not going to die out here just for looking at the scenery. There is a way out of this, it isn't even that hard. Just call the others, tell them were they are and wait for the knights, ok, the heirs and witches, in shining armour and save their asses from death by father frost.  
Now they just have to find some marginally better sheltered corner and wait this shit out. There is a big ass hollow tree right there, now isn't that a stunning coincidence. The hollow is not all that big, certainly not enough room for two people to sit all that wide apart. It's just physics, dudes and gasses take up the room they are given. Also it may be a good idea to sit at least a little bit close. It's just body heat, the only not dumb thing to do now. No point in squandering all that hard earned warmth to the outside world, it wouldn't appreciate it anyway.  
Nothing more to it. Certainly nothing about it that's all intrusive and shit about how certain people are actually really comfortable to lean against, or about how it feels really fucking incredible to have a pair of arms around you and to feel another person surround you like that. There is nowhere else to put arms in this tight ass tree anyway, might as well put them around one another. Say, did this space actually get smaller? They are not about to get crushed by old man willow here, are they? Nah, not likely. It's just that the closer they get, the warmer it gets. How it's suddenly very easy not to give as many fucks about the unseasonable weather right outside when you have your own personal heater right there, pressed up against you and around you everywhere. How a certain someone's hair smells better than it has any right to and how one could come to notice that one has never ever been this close to anyone. But there's really no need to get into all the crazy shit that can go through a dude's head when he just nearly died from hypothermia and is feeling increasingly groggy.  
Just conserving body heat and waiting for rescue. The most bro-like thing to do right now.  
It's cool. They're both still cool.


	25. Karkat/Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major Tags: mentions of blood, flaying and ancient evils

**BR4**  
Prompt: Trope: Tome of Eldritch Lore. Artifact, often extremely old, containing anything from prophecies, depictions of horrible creatures, and wicked spells of varying degrees of evil. Often made of leather of questionable origin.  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=5907460#cmt5907460)

CG: WERE DID YOU FIND THIS?  
TT: If you were to take a wild guess...?  
CG: YOU FOUND IT IN A LONG ABANDONED TOMB. DARK, COBWEBS, MYSTERIOUS WRITING ON THE WALL, THE WORKS.  
TT: You guessed correctly.  
CG: IT WASN'T HARD TO GUESS. THIS THING IS LITERALLY BOUND IN TROLL SKIN.  
TT: Ugh, is that what it is? I was thinking that, but I just chose not to believe it.  
CG: NO, YOU CAN BELIEVE IT, BUT IT'S NO BIG DEAL. THE SIZE OF THIS THING THE TROLL WAS DEAD, I PROMISE.  
TT: How comforting.  
TT: The place I found it was not so either.  
TT: But it wasn't a tomb, I don't think. It was actually a castle of sorts.  
TT: Very old though, very abandoned. This was lying on a sort of altar?  
CG: WHAT WERE YOU DOING RUMMAGING THROUGH OLD CASTLES ANYWAY?  
TT: It was an old castle. I don't believe further explanation is needed.  
CG: POKING ABOUT IN OLD PLACES IS A REALLY STUPID THING TO DO.  
TT: Whatever you say. I found a book, aren't we going to open it?  
CG: NO, WHY WOULD WE?  
TT: This thing is incredibly old. Just think of all the ancient wisdom we could find here.  
TT: All the things we could learn about times long past and about the mysterious figure who wrote it.  
TT: Just imagine some ancient troll, bent over this by candlelight, recording his last living thoughts for posterity. Or confessing his crimes to the unfeeling canvas...  
CG: AND YOU GET OFF ON THE CRIMES OF TROLLS?  
TT: I just want to learn what he knew! Just think of all the things written here that have never been read by any living mind in history!  
GC: JUST OPEN THE DAMNED BOOK.  
TT: Alright...  
TT: Wow, this is sticky... and... colorful?  
TT: Oh.  
CG: OK, THAT'S JUST FUCKED UP NOW. BUT YOU JUST HAD TO KNOW.  
TT: This is just more intriguing, if also more disgusting.  
TT: But it's written in Alternian anyway. Can you read it?  
CG: SURE I CAN, GIVE IT HERE.  
CG: ...  
CG: OH.  
TT: What is it? What does it say?  
CG: THIS IS... THIS IS A DIARY.  
TT: Really? Tell me what it says already!  
CG: WELL, WE TOLD YOU ABOUT THE ANCESTORS, RIGHT?  
TT: Yes, vaguely.  
CG: I KNOW WHO THIS IS. I WOULD KNOW THIS HANDWRITING ANYWHERE.  
CG: WE SHOULDN'T BE READING THIS. THERE IS NOTHING HERE THAT ANYONE SHOULD WANT TO KNOW.  
CG: BETTER JUST GIVE IT TO THE ONE IT BELONGS TO NOW AND NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN.

TC: Oh, WiCkEd!  
TC: I WaS AlL WoNdErInG WhEn tHiS OlD MoThErFuCkEr wOuLd uP AnD ShOw hImSeLf!  
TC: HoNk! :o)


	26. Karkat/The Condesce

**BR5**  
Prompt: Q: Is there any truth to “fake it til you make it?” A: Only if you make it. -anon and dearcoquette  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/22187.html?thread=6802347#cmt6802347)

"PLEASE, YOUR CONDESCENSION. I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION."  
"ask away little fish, i ain't got no place to be"  
"COULD I HAVE MADE IT? ON ALTERNIA I MEAN."  
"it matters no more, nubby. -Everyfin's ova and done with. i'm a dead fish now, just swimmin around this here dream bowl. what's it matta to ya?"  
"I... I KNOW, YOUR CONDESCENSION. IT'S JUST SOMETHING I NEED TO KNOW."  
"aw, needen't call me that no more, that shit's a long time ago. and i'm not one to use that word all lightly"  
"I ADMIRED YOU, YOU KNOW."  
"and ur quite right to, little grub. i made more and destroyed more than anyone. )(eh, those were the days... but they were not the days for u"  
"OF COURSE THEY WEREN'T. THAT'S WHY I WANT TO KNOW, I GUESS."  
"not many fins are impossible. so it could be i suppose. just consida... do u know why i would have wanted u dead?"  
"BECAUSE I'M A MUTANT."  
")(eeeeh, no"  
"WHAT?"  
"u neva thought too much about this all, did u? )(ave u eva looked at our species? we ain't nothin but a bunch a mutated freaks. take ma helmsman... )(is powa came from bein a freak too. why did i not kill him?"  
"BECAUSE HE WAS USEFUL TO YOU?"  
"aaaand one hundred points go to the shouty wriggla in the first row"  
"AND I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN?"  
"oh nubby... u coulda been so much use. i always had use for fanatics. certain kinds a fanatics, that is. u are not the problem, and neitha is ur blood. just its fish story that would have made for murky waters"  
"YOU WERE AFRAID OF THE CULT OF MY ANCESTOR."  
"i wouldn't say afraid. but it was a risk i couldn't a taken. sea, what would u have done to hide ur blood color?"  
"ANYTHING, OF COURSE."  
"and i would have gone to greata lengths to hide what i was hidin"  
"WHAT WERE YOU HIDING?"  
"that the basis a our society was floundered on the spectrum. that whateva i did, whateva i accomplished would not have been possible for shit if i didn't bleed in this particular shade"  
"BUT YOU UPHELD THE HEMOSPECTRUM! HOW COULD YOU NOT BELIEVE IN IT?"  
"i will shell u a secret now, carpcat. nobody eva believes in the shingle that gives them their powa. once u have the powa, the bullshit becomes apparent beyond anyone's ability to ignore"  
"SO YOU JUST FAKED IT TILL YOU MADE IT?"  
"i made it, nubby. in the end, that is all anyone eva asked about. in the end, it may have been all anyone eva asked a u"


	27. WV/Rose

**BR5**  
Prompt: "Peaches come in a can, they were put in there by a man, in a factory downtown." -The Presidents of the United States of America  
[LINK](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/22187.html?thread=6784939#cmt6784939)

"Do you ever wonder..." Rose mumbles, almost to herself, turning one of your citizens around in her hands, "about the path these things have taken?"  
You just shrug. You have not, but then again, you like thinking about paths almost as much as the Seer girl does, even if you are not (quite) as good at it. You explain that you found them in your control station, and she knows the rest.  
"Well, yes, but before that. Who made them, and where?"  
You shrug again. The game made them. Which means Skaia made them, you suppose.  
"But does that really make sense to you? See these creases here at the rim? The reason they have them is because the machines that make these on earth fold the metal of the tube around the metal of the lid.... hm..."  
You do see her point. You are quite certain that the way Skaia makes things does not involve production lines and machines made for folding metal. Skaia just... makes.  
"And even the fact that they are cans at all. Did you have a can opener when you found the station?"  
You did not.  
"These are designed to be used with one though. If Skaia made them for you, why imitate a design that would necessitate a tool you did not have?"  
You do not know. You point out that the beverage cans you found had little metal lever devices for opening them.  
"Exactly. Why don't these have them too? They do make food cans like that, though not until recently before earth's end."  
Maybe Skaia didn't want to make things easy?  
"Why would it not? You are an exile, not a player. There is little point in having you solve riddles like this."  
You sigh. Skaia just loves riddles. No one is safe. In this game, you don't even have to be a hero to be presented with obnoxious and senseless tasks to test your abilities.  
"You know what I believe?" Rose continues to inspect the can, picking at the "peaches" label, "or want to believe at least... Skaia did not make these, it appearified them."  
What would be the difference, you ask.  
"The difference is that it means that humans made them. Actual human beings, still alive on earth, designed the machine. Others built it. Others still were tasked with its maintenance. Someone took this can and put it in a box. Someone was very puzzled by its disappearance."  
Her voice had gotten very low and quiet, and you don't know if she is even still speaking to you.  
She keeps a hold of the can for a long time.


End file.
